I like to pray sometimes with my hands open, palms up. This is how I show I’m relinquishing my will to God’s. I choose to trust him, and I release my grip. It’s not easy, especially when I’m convinced I want to hang on to what I feel is rightfully mine.
But I open my hand, nonetheless.
That’s how I prayed when my husband disagreed with me about having more children, as I explained in my last post.
Which one of us is ruining the marriage?
Beside the fear of becoming obsessed, I was even more concerned for potential damage to my marriage. I couldn’t deny my strong feelings, but neither could Jerry.
It was a test of my commitment to God and to my husband, so my statement of faith came back to this: If God gave me the desire for more children, then he would fulfill it. Nothing can stop him. It’s not his will to frustrate me, so he will either fulfill the longing in my heart or take it away.
We made a deal.
Jerry and I had discussed foster parenting but neither of us preferred that for our family. One day, however, I released my grip on my perceptions of what parenting should be and asked Jerry to consider taking just one child into our home. Maybe that was all that was needed for us to reach resolution. He agreed.
“And the Lord said to Moses, ‘Is the Lord’s hand shortened? Now you shall see whether my word will come true for you or not'” (Number 11:23 ESV).
When we retired from foster parenting we’d helped nine children and their families. It was full-time ministry, challenging and satisfying at the same time. I’m happy to say the desire for more children is gone, but my hands are still open to God. May he put in them what he wants me to have, and may he remove what shouldn’t be there. Amen!
by Kathy Sheldon Davis